Battering Ram

So as one of the comments on my last post mentioned, I must now reveal the story of the Mighty Ram...(really more like a small goat with little "kid" syndrome)


So me and my brother,who will remain nameless until further notice, were at my dads house visiting during one of his vacations from work.  He still thinks he is Rambo so he works in Iraq to keep himself sharp in case another wild monkey tries to get the jump on him in Texas and every few months he gets a few weeks off.


  Anyways we were at his house in the Hill Country, which is southwest Texas pretty close to Mexico, and he was telling us about a couple of goats that keep coming around and eating all the plants and vegetation that he planted in the road entrance to his house.  This is a major no no in the world of Rambo.  So we were sitting on the front porch of his house and see these bad ass billy goats wander up to the front gate.  We decided to take it easy on them and walked down there unarmed...Mistake.


  Once we got down there the goats turned hostile.  Apparently the agave plant has duel purposes...making tequila and steroids for goats.  Once we got in between them and the precious agave they started raising up on two legs and coming down head first at our knees.  My first thought was, "How could these goats know our achilles heel?", and my second was,"How dare these little bastards attack us on our land.''  So after they gave my brother and dad a couple of pinpoint shots to the kneecaps, I stepped in.


 Of course with a little coaxing from my dear family members I square off with leader of the shenanigans.  After toying with it for the past few minutes I decided to put an end to it,  I dodge a couple of swift attacks and for some odd reason on the last of the vicious attacks the goat hops back on its two legs cocks his head to the side and comes down...I do the same.  We collide head to head.  I admit its not the smartest thing I've done but sometimes I do things not to smart for the sake of a laugh.


  Actually I think I hurt it more than I hurt myself because it looked at me like,"W-H-H-H-H-H-H-Y", in a goat voice and walked away.  Now all of this was taking place on a highway with people rubbernecking trying to get a piece of the action.  At least that is what I like to think, I'm sure they were really thinking,"What the fuck kind of white trash lives there."  Either way Ryan 1 Goat 0.


On a side note,  a few weeks later my dad was getting married at his house there in the Hill Country,  enter the agave guzzling goats.  Well I guess this sets off a Panama flashback because he grabs his pistol and heads for the gate, in his wedding attire.  As he starts sneaking up on these animals the leader spots him, hesitates a bit remembering the run in with me, then he hikes up on his two legs and before he could come down my dad mutters in cool movie hero voice, that sounds like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon,"I'll be damned if another member of the animal kingdom one ups me again!", then pulls the pistol and puts one between the eyes.  The other goat looked in horror as his brother grass grazer falls to the ground dead.  It tries to run but if you've ever seen Rambo you know what happens next.  So now we have two dead goats and a wedding to deal with...at least they didn't have to plan dinner.  


So I found a post on YouTube that was pretty similar to what happened so here it is.