Hippie Hollow, Austin Texas - Google It.

Before I begin this story, please read the details of one of Austin's most infamous parks:

Description:

 Hippie Hollow Park lies in the basin area of Lake Travis in the Hill Country of central Texas, approximately one-half hour's drive from downtown Austin, The Park features a steep, rocky shoreline and provides some spectacular views of Lake Travis. This heavily-used park, the only clothing optional public park in Texas, is popular for sunbathing and swimming.

Acreage:  109    

Annual Visitors:  350,000

Available Activities

• bird watching
• hiking
• sunbathing
• swimming

Amenities

• clothing optional
• concession stand (seasonally, when available)
• designated swimming area (boats prohibited)
• nature/hiking trails
• paved ADA accessible trail
• restrooms
• drinking water

Special Notes

• Day use only park.
• There are no lifeguards on duty.
• Hippie Hollow Park has a long tradition as the on only clothing-optional public park in Texas. Entry to the park is restricted to those people 18 years and older.
• Please respect the privacy of other visitors and ask permission before taking photographs. Remember that nudity is acceptable, lewd behavior is not.
• Hippie Hollow Park includes habitat for species protected under the Federal Endangered Species Act, including the Golden-cheeked Warbler and the Black-capped Vireo. As a result, certain areas of the park are off-limits to park visitors.

So I think you get somewhat of an idea of what kind of place this is.

 
If you don't, I'll give you a second.

Alright, you moron, it's Austin's infamous nudist beach.

One hot, balmy day last summer, my girlfriends and I decided to give this place a shot to see what it was all about.  Let me tell you, if you are ok with grown men wearing nothing but backpacks and sneakers, this is the place for you.


We of course packed enough alcohol to get an army of sneaker-wearing gay men drunk.  We figured this would be a necesity to get us to sunbathe topless, let alone fully nude.


Now I would consider myself bohemian by nature, and very comfortable with myself.  That being said, I honestly didn't think it would take much for me to join in on the reindeer games.

 I timidly remove my top on this gorgeous Austin day and look around to make sure no lurkers were around.  Lucky for me, most of the people on the beach were congrated to the right of me, so the liquid courage was kicking in.  It was the weirdest thing.  A group of probably 50 men circled around eachother like a bunch of vultures.  This of course made me feel better about my lack of clothing, so I tip-toed into the water with my friends.  No one is going to pay attention to us, right?  I mean, we don't have the equipment they are interested in anyways.


Meanwhile, a man floats by (stomach up) on a large pink floaty.  Geez, could have lived without that eyeful.


To my left, there is your typical 60+ year old couple enjoying the sun as well, also, wearing nothing but sneakers.  You have to protect your tender feet on the trek down the hill right? 

A boat goes by (this is normal for Austinites to take a trip by this cove to see all the nudists, me being one of them), and the older couple JUMPS up to wave.  So remember when I mentioned their ages?  Yeah, things flopped UP and then DOWN.  And then they started to wave with their WHOLE BODIES. 

Old man parts - left, right, left, right, left, right. 
Old woman parts - left, right, left, right, left, right. 

I'm not going to lie.  
I stared. 
Stared to the point where I got a wink from the old, saggy man. 
Oy vey.


So as my girlfriends and I are splashing and laughing in the water, we notice a set of guys who are swimming in our direction.  And lurking.  At this point, we have resigned to the fact that all of the men here are gay, so we are not bothered by their presence in the slightest.  Well I get out of the water to put more sunscreen on (you have to make sure you are protected, no?) and here is what went down:


I am sitting facing the left when I hear a male voice to my right (keep in mind he has a Louisiana drawl).


Naked dude: "Excuuuuuse me misssss...."


I turn to face him, not realizing WHERE I AM and get a FACE full of a stranger's crotch.


Me: "WHAT THE HELL??? Dude, get that thing out of my face and get the eff away from me!  I could have been injured!!"


My girlfriends notice this going on and get out of the water, laughing hysterically.


Naked dude: "Sooo I'm not from around here.  Are you?"


Me: "What the fuck dude, you think I live here?  Fuck no, get away from me.  Not here to make friends."


Naked dude: "Sorry miss, just wanted to see if maybe you and your friends were free tonight.  We don't live in Austin and we need some recommendations on bars and hot spots for parties."


Me: "What do I look like, a tour guide?" (Now all of a sudden it hits me.  THIS GUY IS NOT GAY.)


I throw my towel over myself and politely list off all of the GAYest gay bars downtown Austin, give him a fake number and told him to make sure to wear something shiny.  With lots of cologne.


Me: "So I hope you enjoy yourself tonight, and remember, Austinites are just friendly people.  It take some getting used to, but something tells me you will have a memorable evening!"


Now my mother would tell me the moral of the story is that I should have never gone to this nude beach, and that there is probably a small place in Hades for my actions that day.


But I feel the moral of the story is as follows:
"Never put your junk in a stranger's face."

Courtney Out.